It's a Bird! It's a Plane!.,...no, wait a minute.....

....it IS a bird!!!

It has been very hot here this week and 'someone' left the front door open (ok, so it might have been moi). I was sitting outside 'doing art' minding my own business being all Van Goghy and all when the solitude and definitely the silence was broken when I heard Doug yell 'Oh JEEEEZZZZ!'

I jumped up and said 'WHAT?' and he came to the door with his hands perched on his hips and said 'There's a BIRD in here!'. I, always the disbeliever' said in that know-it-all way I have 'huh? are you sure?' but when I peeked into the bathroom, sure enough, there was a bird.

'chirp, chirp' and I looked up....sitting on the edge of the skylight was said bird. Doug flew (sorry, bad pun) into action to remedy the situation. He shut himself into the bathroom after flinging the pocket door closed. Next thing I hear is pocket door opening and Doug's housecoat being flung out into the hallway to safety. Next things to come out were the towels...'in case that *@@# bird decides to s**t everywhere' I believe was the rationale.

Then, Doug comes out into the hall and gives me the 'well? Now what?' look. Being all coupley newlyweds and all, we discussed the situation in a calm rational manner. I suggested perhaps getting a ladder and putting on work gloves to capture the bird.

Nope, that got 'voted' down.

Then I suggested getting a broom and 'shooing' the culprit away.

Nope. Again, that was a no go.

How about getting the pool skimmer and scooping up the beast?

My turn to say no way. Then 'one of us' had the terribly brilliant idea to take off the window screen, open the bathroom window and let the bird do what birds do best...fly away! With some reluctance, this plan was put into action...screen off, drapes pulled back, window open, pocket door close.

We waited....for what I don't know...a cheery 'goodbye' perhaps from the bird. I decided to up the ante and put bread crumbs...ok, a whole slice to be sure...on the window sill so if by chance this was not the Albert Einstein of Birdom, perhaps he would be hungry and put two and two together...bread + open window=freedom.

When I returned to the bathroom with said bread and gingerly opened the door, the bird was nowhere to be seen. I thought he might be hiding...where I don't know as the bathroom is perhaps 3 ft x 4 ft although it does have a vaulted ceiling. I checked where I thought the villain might be hiding on top of the cupboard and when he was no where to be seen, I declared it a 'no bird zone' and that my....I mean 'our'....plan had indeed worked.

Oh, and I did remember to close the window just in case Mr. Bird decided to come back for a return visit.

Horsing around

Sunday we went to the Arabian Horse Show held at Westworld in Scottsdale. It was the last day and while we expected it to be crowded, it was pleasantly not.

I know nothing about showing horses but a lot about showing dogs. From what I could see, there were many similarities. I saw professional handlers, large RVs for travelling to the shows, huge ribbons proudly displayed by the stables who were the big winners, tons of glitzy items to buy for you, your horse or your dog. And it would appear there was some 'politics' in the show ring just like in the dog world.

But the main attraction were the horses. They were beautiful. And not unlike the Oscar red carpet winners (which coincidentally was also on Sunday), the real pretty ones had long skinny necks (apparently a must have if you're an Arabian horse or an Oscar winning starlet), long ears (ok, so maybe not for the starlet) and lovely flowing hair.

Saturday was a very 'artful' day.

It started with the annual art show here in our resort. I don't 'do' early mornings and am very thankful that I have friends that do. They and others set up the over 80 pieces of art that have been done by resident artists living here in the park. My dear friend Rebecca kindly set up my 15 pieces in a place of prominence so that when I wandered in at just before 8 am (it was SO before 8am!) the crowds were already nicely meandering through the displays.

The purpose of the art show is two fold. One: to showcase the resident talent and Two: to hopefully sell something. Ok, so we managed to accomplish the first. While probably over 500 people filtered through the display (is now a good time to mention that a French Toast breakfast was the real drawing card and the Art Show was an add on?), nary a one actually purchased anything.

Now one could argue that those living in a retirement resort didn't get there by throwing good money around and buying 'art' but on the other hand, how do they know that I, The Diva, might not be the next Van Gogh? They may wish that they had taken the opportunity to purchase some of my art at the rock bottom prices that they were being offered on Saturday. Even the 'real' artist who lives here (he actually makes a living out of his art which normally sell for up to $1000/piece) couldn't sell anything and he had his works priced at under $150.

Oh well, ...I can take heart in knowing that poor Van Gogh had to cut off an ear, go crazy (thanks in part maybe to his friend and fellow artist Gauguin) and then die before his art was appreciated...I'm hoping for somewhat less of a sacrifice. I'm willing to ..oh I don't know...break a nail...and then will my art be worth something?

Geocaching 101

Today we did our first geocaching. It's like the TV reality show 'Amazing Race' and Hide and Seek and a crossword puzzle all rolled into one activity. Using a handheld GPS (we used the Garmin HC) you download waypoints and clues and then using only the coordinates, head out into the wilderness...or not....and try to find the 'cache'.

The first one was right across the street from Fry's food store and was hidden in a loose metal door at the bottom of a pillar near a quail statue. It was a tile setter's spacer and the clue we had was 'Contact us if you need one'...guess the person who hid it was a tile setter???

The next one we never did find...it was by another statue and try as we might, we couldn't find it.

Then the next few we did find after various amounts of searching. People stopped out of curiosity to ask what we had lost or what we were looking for. Some had heard of geocaching but others thought we were nuts. I think we should carry a card in our pocket with the website on it so that should someone thing we are nuts, we could say 'oh no..LOOK! We are Certified Geocachers!'.

The second to last one we didn't find after hiking in the desert for 1/2 mile through a wash that no doubt last nite was full of water from the rain. The clue was 'Scheme changes after Step 4. Step 5 is 'lean on me'.' We were stumped....we were under a high voltage wire wooden poles but the rest were cactus, bushes and some discarded car parts. Nothing was leaning. We took 4 steps and thought the 5th step would be something but nada. The name of the clue was 'Superstition Chain Yank' so if they were 'yanking our chain' then maybe the clue was bogus.

We found one more and then decided to turn the GPS towards the IN-N-Out Burger joint and find our way through a cheeseburger and fries.

A great way to have exercise, see new places and use some fuel...maybe geocaching was started by the oil companies to get people off their duff and out driving again! Good fun.

Renaissance Faire

This weekend we went to see the Renaissance Faire which is an annual event held here in the Phoenix area. Thanks to a '2 for 1' coupon we were able to spend several hours immersed in an environment that mimiced what life would have been like back in the Medieval days of old.

All the workers are dressed as lords, ladies, wenches, beggars, jugglers, knights and so on. But the real fun is that many of the clientele also dress up in costume. You can even rent or buy outfits that include nymphs, fairies and angels. Hucksters are everywhere but these ones show some imagination at least....one yelling 'CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! IF I MADE IT, YOU CAN AT LEAST BUY IT!'. When I walked by, ignoring the obvious sales call, he dropped his voice to a whisper..'choc-o-late.....choc-o-late' and I whipped my head around!

Another selling something chocolate that looked like ..well, dung....yelled 'It's really really good...if it wasn't, some busty wench would be flogging it!'.

We watched a couple of comedy shows and the jousting match. A fun day.

To Kill a Mockingbird

My hand is blistered, my back is sore, and my left arm is killing me.....all because I insisted in trying my luck at learning to 'golf'.

Now it figures that it was some crazy Scotsman in the 15th Century who 'invented' the game of golf...no doubt after consuming ample amounts of Chivas. Who else would think it was 'fun' to take a stick and hit a little ball making it go, ideally, far far away and then go and try to find it. Once you find it, what do you do? You hit it AGAIN!

It's like playing 'Hide and Seek' except, instead of trying to find, oh I don't know,..... something big like a person?.... you try and find a tiny little ball in the brush, in the water, in a tree. If you are really bad, you may find it inside someone's living room after you have smashed their front window. The bird population that lives close by is at risk of being depopulated if my slice and hooks don't improve.

Because I'm learning to golf on a course where people do live right beside the fairways, my first question was not 'how do I hold the club?' or 'do I need a graphite shaft?'...no, my first question was 'whose insurance pays for any damage?'

After my 1.5 hr lesson, I can proudly say that I can, on occasion, hit a whiffle ball with a good wallop and it will go maybe 10 yds (10 metres in Canada which is slightly farther). Can my life on the LPGA tour be far behind?

And to think you have to whack that ball again.. and again.... and again in order to play an entire game. Talk about flog a dead horse! Speaking of which... has anyone else noticed that the word 'GOLF' spelled backwards is 'FLOG'? Coincidence? I think not.

Art Gecko

I dream of art...no, I'm not having a fantasy affair with someone named 'Art'....I am dreaming of art...art to draw, art to paint, art to try. I think I'm in love with art!

Being in the Southwest I am trying my hand at scenes that I don't run across at home like cactus, geckos and clay pots. I get to use neat colors like Burnt Sienna and Raw Umber. If I painted what was happening back home, I would only need to frame a blank white piece of paper....it's all snow!

I am buying up controlling interest in Walmart....one frame at a time. Under the bed is a box full of mats and frames because I have learned that even a bad painting looks better when matted and framed. I mean really..is the Mona Lisa that good out of the frame?

Super Bowl

We had a Superbowl Party ...not because we are great football fans but because:

1. Arizona was in the Superbowl for the first time EVER

2. We live in Arizona.

3.It's a reason to eat and drink and cheer and be silly

4. We have the biggest TV amongst our friends.

The girls sat outside and painted and drank and ate and laughed and painted and drank. The boys sat inside and cheered and booed and ate and ate and ate. The guests brought appies and I did hot wings and meatballs and there was enough food left over to host another party tonite!

Too bad Arizona lost but it was a great fourth quarter (I do TOO know a little football!) and if only they could've scored another home run, they would've won!